I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
