Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
