Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh god the rape fog is back!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
