Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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