Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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