So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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