I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
