His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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