Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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