Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
