Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
