How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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