I just gift wrapped bread.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
