Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
