there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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