well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
