I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize