Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
