WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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