I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
