I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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