The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize