Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
