lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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