No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
