i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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