I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
