You can't special order awesome
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
