nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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