Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
