Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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