just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
