So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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