so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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