I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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