I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
