He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
