So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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