dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
