me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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