He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
