Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
