how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
