Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
