Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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