The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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