It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
