I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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