Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
