i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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