whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
