the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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