i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
