please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
