He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
