i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
