The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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