Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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