your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
