I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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