Can i not drive my cunt home
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize