i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
