why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
