mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
