And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
