planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
