i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
