I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
