This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
