I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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