She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
