The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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