He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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