Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My underwear smells like fireworks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize