Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
