Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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