I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
