Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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