i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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