1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
