And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize