Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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