he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
