I hate all girls vehemently.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
