i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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