They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
