Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
