just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
