Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
