Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
