So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
