Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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