He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
