Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
