we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
