how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
