she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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