real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
