you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
