They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
