if you like me you must not know who I am
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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