I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
