So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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