dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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