you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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