We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My feet surprised me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
