I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
