thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
