Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
